I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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