you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
