I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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