Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
