I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
