Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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