Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
