What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
