i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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