i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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