when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
