Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
