My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
