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after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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