What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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