if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
