i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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