He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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