I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize