If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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