Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
