we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize