I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize