It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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