i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
