...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
