if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
