She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
