how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
