my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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