He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
