Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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