Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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