I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
