Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
