You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
