i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
