This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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