I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
