Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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