hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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