There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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