the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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