youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
