so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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