I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
