my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
