I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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