I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
