look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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