I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
