Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize