Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
