I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do vagina's smell?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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