After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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