It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
