He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
