What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
