i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize