At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
