OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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