i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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