Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
