there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
