So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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