i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
