So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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