Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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