I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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