She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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