just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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