We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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