I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
