You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
