He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
