I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
