Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
