just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
