Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
