you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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