Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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