I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
