I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
