Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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