yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
