chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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