Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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