Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize