so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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