Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
