My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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