Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
